2008 Woodie Awards
Please believe me
Andrew Farrell
Issue date: 9/12/07 Section: Opinion
There comes a time in one's collegiate experience when a choice must be made. This is the life-altering decision whereupon some continue to believe everything they have ever learned, while others discover the truth and meaning of life.
The task of educating our youngest peers should fall upon every student at Samford, but since it is still the beginning of the semester, I see no point in placing this burden upon your shoulders.
If you have not already figured it out, Samford is quite the homogenous mix of right-wing conservatism and mediocre attempts at challenging the status quo. It plays well, but there are a few things you should know to continue down the path of educational enlightenment.
First and foremost, it is important to realize that not everything written by so- called "humor columnists" is actually humorous. Writings can range from offensive to pedestrian, with a plethora of variations in between. Some things may even startle you, like the fact that coconuts kill ten times as many people as shark attacks every year, and peanuts aren't really nuts. George Washington was not the first person to hold the title of president in the United States, and even the famous inventor Alexander Graham Bell contributed to the death of President James Garfield. But it isn't hard to find funny facts like those. The real task is finding the hard-hitting controversies around campus.
Recently, one question has wrenched the sweaty rag of debate in the library. This dispute intrigues, inspires and invokes many reactions amongst those who ponder its depth. Simply put, it is the theory that God does not believe in abstinence-only sex education. In all honesty, if it didn't work for the Virgin Mary, why should it work for anyone else? Does this offend you? You shouldn't be upset - it's only a joke.
The real issue here is that you must decide what you want to believe. I can tell you that our university was almost built on an abandoned graveyard, but you are the only one who can choose to believe in what I say. I want you to believe me when I say that the ghosts of a hundred hoboes almost haunted our school, and maybe you do, but until you visit the zoo and read the epitaphs on their tombstones, I'm unsure of how else to convince you. Maybe my impressive credentials will do the job (and by impressive, I mean that I play the accordion and work at space camp during the summer). I guess not.
My point is this: Never take anything you read or hear for granted. Suspect everything, everywhere, all the time. It's only when you become complacent in your world that the secret shadow government is able to take control. Challenge everything in your classes. Make a stand, and don't let the Man keep you down.
The task of educating our youngest peers should fall upon every student at Samford, but since it is still the beginning of the semester, I see no point in placing this burden upon your shoulders.
If you have not already figured it out, Samford is quite the homogenous mix of right-wing conservatism and mediocre attempts at challenging the status quo. It plays well, but there are a few things you should know to continue down the path of educational enlightenment.
First and foremost, it is important to realize that not everything written by so- called "humor columnists" is actually humorous. Writings can range from offensive to pedestrian, with a plethora of variations in between. Some things may even startle you, like the fact that coconuts kill ten times as many people as shark attacks every year, and peanuts aren't really nuts. George Washington was not the first person to hold the title of president in the United States, and even the famous inventor Alexander Graham Bell contributed to the death of President James Garfield. But it isn't hard to find funny facts like those. The real task is finding the hard-hitting controversies around campus.
Recently, one question has wrenched the sweaty rag of debate in the library. This dispute intrigues, inspires and invokes many reactions amongst those who ponder its depth. Simply put, it is the theory that God does not believe in abstinence-only sex education. In all honesty, if it didn't work for the Virgin Mary, why should it work for anyone else? Does this offend you? You shouldn't be upset - it's only a joke.
The real issue here is that you must decide what you want to believe. I can tell you that our university was almost built on an abandoned graveyard, but you are the only one who can choose to believe in what I say. I want you to believe me when I say that the ghosts of a hundred hoboes almost haunted our school, and maybe you do, but until you visit the zoo and read the epitaphs on their tombstones, I'm unsure of how else to convince you. Maybe my impressive credentials will do the job (and by impressive, I mean that I play the accordion and work at space camp during the summer). I guess not.
My point is this: Never take anything you read or hear for granted. Suspect everything, everywhere, all the time. It's only when you become complacent in your world that the secret shadow government is able to take control. Challenge everything in your classes. Make a stand, and don't let the Man keep you down.
Be the first to comment on this story