The Government will now start testing people who arrive in the UK (Image: PA)
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You know that virus that’s been going round.
Well, they’re going to start testing people who come into the country, to see if they’re carrying it, before letting them in.
Isn’t it reassuring to know the Government acts this quickly, before coronavirus spreads and does much damage?
Some people suggested they should have done this many months ago, like many other countries.
But they couldn’t know in advance that a virus which spreads from one person to another might spread from someone who has it, to someone else.
Prime Minister Boris Johnson plunged the country into lockdown this week
(Image: Getty Images)
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You can’t expect politicians to be biologists, can you?
It’s the same with all their decisions.
Everyone could see it would be disastrous to keep schools open.
Five-year-olds were saying: “Why go school when virus spread, Mummy? Does Mister Johnson love virus?
“Does he want to marry it?”
But they decided it was better for children’s education, to scream that anyone who wanted to shut the schools was an idiot, and then shut them anyway after they were open for one day.
That way you get all the advantages of the virus spreading, AND shut the schools, so we enjoy the best of both worlds.
Every few weeks, Boris Johnson is told by scientists to introduce a lockdown, or keep pubs closed, or keep schools closed.
Every time he refuses, until everything the scientists told him would happen does happen.
Then he has to do what they say but for longer, and with the virus going berserk.
And he explains: “No one could have predicted the scientific thing that everyone predicted.” It’s quite sweet in a way, how he’s always so surprised by ‘science’ turning out as he was told it would.
For his next speech he’ll say: “I bring you the alarming news, that this morning, the sun rose in the East.
"This has resulted in the morning being darker in some areas in the West than we could have predicted.”
Boris Johnson speaking in the House of Commons
Queen and Prince Philip receive coronavirus vaccinations at Windsor Castle
After that he’ll say: “From today you will no longer be permitted to place piranhas in a children’s paddling pool.
“I know this is tough, but the piranhas have nibbled our children in a way none of us could predict, so we must stop, for the time being.”
This must be why they miss all their targets.
He promised a “world-beating Test and Trace system by May” last year.
Now it’s January and the system’s still hopeless, but he’ll announce “We had no idea May would come so quickly.
"One awful aspect of this virus, is it has rearranged our months.
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"May wasn’t due until the end of 2023 but raced ahead in ways no one could predict.”
And this is probably how he ended up with so many children.
Once every few months he tells a woman “No one could have predicted this lustful act, er er in as much er, could have resulted in this pregnancy.
“But now the science has changed, so I’ll be off”, and is never seen again.